I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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