four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
