so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
