she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
