I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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