we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
