did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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