At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
