What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
