all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
