I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
