ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
two words...techno handjob
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
