He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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