I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
