don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
