so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
