Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
