yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
