i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
