you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
