we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
