hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
