why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
