I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
