I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
