There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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