he wants to bone in the snuggie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
