you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
