My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my phone needs a breathalizer
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My vagina just recognized that song.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
