Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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