I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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