Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
