you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My ATM looks so different sober.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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