I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
