im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
