My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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