Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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