just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
