Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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