was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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