craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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