you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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