Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
