So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
