I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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