I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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