Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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