is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
