then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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