"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
