2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
