Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
