Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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