Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
