I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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